1. Scaredy Cat!
Ever since I was a little kid, I have been scared of the dark – now that I’m older, I can tolerate the darkness, but you can bet your life that all cupboards are jammed closed, checked and re-checked before I turn out the light. And Gawd forbid that the shifting house should cause a floorboard or cupboard door to creak open a little during the night. This results in my lying awake in cold dread for hours, lying stock-still so that the attacker can’t see me, and keeping my back to the offending cupboard (because obviously the attacker can’t get me if I can’t see them – got it?). And before you go laughing at me and calling me a sook, I’m here to tell you that Monsters Inc. wasn’t real, people! It was an animated feature for children and families. Closet-dwelling monsters are not fluffy, humorous little tykes – they are vicious, ruthless killers from the demon-depths, who’ll slay you with their blood-stained teeth and dagger-like claws as soon as you look at ‘em!
2. Reds Under the Bed.
I’m a social commie. What that means is that I tend to regularly put myself out, or disadvantage myself, in order to facilitate what I see as the greater good in a social situation. So, for example, I believe in everyone shouting during multiple rounds of drinks - I buy a round for everyone, and in return I expect someone else to buy a round etc etc. I have a firm belief that this is the honourable way to go, and facilitates a pleasant evening or outing. There are two problems with this; a) it’s a very Australian custom, and rarely adhered to by our international brothers and sisters, and b) I only drink beer, while everyone else drinks wine, spirits and/or liqueurs. The result is that I often spend a bomb on any given night out, because I’ve had to shout extra, un-reciprocated rounds and I’ve had to buy all the top-shelf grog. Ofcourse, I could refuse to buy the drinks, or mention to people that it’s their shout, but I live in vain hope that people will perform the greater good by their fellow, thirst man (or Donkey).
Another example of this is my being dragged along, without protest, to the most boring, hard-core dance clubs by my friends, where I know drinking would cost me a fortune (I don’t do ecstasy) and where the style of music doesn’t quite do it for me … but I go … and spend a fortune … for the greater social good. Commie!
3. Repressed, Catholic and Manga.
I love Manga! My parents were pretty strict and didn’t place much stock in spending money on comic books and stuff like that, so I came to learn about Manga quite late in life. I love it so much; the intricate stories, the action, the art, the imaginative ideas. But I am too scared to buy it for fear that Mrs Donkey will see the pictures and think I’m into some quirky form of deviant pornography.
4. Metrosexual Donkey?
I can’t make friends with boys anymore. I have lots of male friends from when I went to school (which is kinda lucky ‘cause I went to an all-boys school – now THAT’S what I call weird!), but as I get older, I seem to only be able to make friends with women. This is fine with me, as I don’t really have much substance to add to a four-hour conversation about football, but it gets a bit touch-and-go when I return home from conferences or field missions, and I relay to Mrs Donkey what I have been up to during the off hours, it’s always, “Mayumi and I went out drinking”, or “Molly and I went out for dinner”, or “Cecilia was great fun” or “Jennifer went off in the sack” … orrr hang on, not that last one. But you can see the difficulty one has when one is unable to create and maintain strong, non-homoerotic, sport- and porn-dominated relationships with blokes.
5. My Own Private Idaho
I’m a friggin’ clean freak! I’m obsessed with it. All week I look forward to the weekend, when I can kick back on the couch to read a book, or sit in the sun to think up stoopid bits of crud to throw onto my Blog, but do you reckon I can when there’s work to be done? If there are breakfast dishes still sitting in the sink, or a rubbish bag to be taken outside, or a dripping tap to be fixed, or a floor to be swept, or plants to be watered … whatever. If there’s anything to be done, I’m all ”scrub my little Dutch boy, scrub!” until it’s all done, and then, at about 6.30pm on Sunday afternoon, I get to relax for ten minutes … just before it’s time to get ready to go out.
6. International Man of Mystery
Hardly international … and let’s face it, barely a man! But I have, for most of my adult life, led very separate identities, depending on what particular activity or with which particular group I was involved. From growing up in a rather privileged home and school, to studying at uni, to working both as a labourer and in a pub, to working with homeless people, indigenous communities and children with disabilities, to saving the world … and now to Blogging. People I know and love rarely know that while I’m doing one, I have another thing going on where I am interacting and relating with completely different people – and doing it more or less with ease (admittedly after a shaky start). Usually someone in this situation would be quite withdrawn, and would try to keep a low profile, but in each of the examples above, I revel in being quite the opposite – I’m loud, fun*, funny*, inclusive, socially coercive, and … loving, I guess.
So there it is. I’m a timid, cowering fool, ludicrously socially unassertive, sexually and literarily repressed, unable to relate to peers of my own sex, and I suffer from both obsessive-compulsive and multiple personality disorders. Bet you never guessed, hey?
I’m supposed to now tag six others to tell us six weird things about themselves, and as Sabrina is one of my only five readers, this could be a bit tough … let’s see.
The Man at the Pub, I know we’re only recently dating, but fancy a go? How ‘bout you, Pomgirl … you Lucy, please? J, you’ll be up for it, No? And The Editor, I’m sure you’ve got a whole plethora of weird stuff to tell us about. Gawd, I don’t know any others, and I reckon at least two of you will refuse … I don’t suppose you’d help me out, Cakey?
* Self assessment only - rarely acknowledged by others.