Tuesday, October 17, 2006

You think that’s dumb … what about this?

DISCLAIMER: Alrighty, I know that being “dumb” literally means the inability to speak, and that being “dumb” does not actually equate to lack of intelligence. I know, OK? So let’s just get over it.

Kangaroos might be the proud, up-right animal sporting the left side of the Australian coat-of-arms, representing all that is noble and proud in the Great Southern Land, and they may be the cute, cuddly, over-sized mouse of the Sylvester cartoons, and they may be the furry, docile beasties that hop up for a hand feed from Japanese tourists, but up close, most kangaroos are very big, very muscle-taut and very, very smelly. One thing that kangaroos are not normally known for, surprisingly, is their extreme lack of intelligence. I say “surprisingly”, ‘cause although it’s rarely acknowledged, kangaroos are very, very stupid beings.

Never is this more apparent than on a country road at night, to which kangaroos gravitate, drawn by the headlights of speeding cars. It’s when these dumb-arses wander onto the roads, in the very path of the on-coming cars, that the kangaroo’s extreme dim-wittedness really comes to the fore. There they stand facing a speeding Kingswood or Ford ute (all decked out in bull-bar, CB antennas and stickers proclaiming “I got a root at Dookie B&S”), and as the metallic death-traps bear down on the fluffy bouncers, these nit-wits are not only too stupid to get out of the way, but as anyone who’s ever had the misfortune to need a new front-end and radiator after a collision with a nuggety marsupial will attest, these stupid fur bags actually jump towards the on-coming vehicle just before impact!

It’s this kind of stupidity which makes ‘roo hunting at night so easy. All a young, red-blooded Australian male needs is a slab of beer, a rifle and a large spotlight, and despite the cacophony from ill-aimed gunshots and intoxicated adolescents acting as a warning to the kangaroos, the stupid, pouched fools still come towards the light to be picked-off one-by-one … and they just keep coming!

Still, I guess they’re not as stupid as moths. Moths are attracted to even the dimmest of light globes, but even a 10 Watt globe will get hot enough to fry the wings off a Bogong if left on for 10 minutes. You know yourself just how much heat radiates from a burning light globe … so how come these winged Wallys can’t feel the heat before they sizzle on the glass like an egg in a pan? Really not very clever, you’d have to say.

But moths aren’t the only dumb ones out there who, despite sensing the dangers, still continue on until they get fried; it’s not only moths who are a bit intellectually challenged … Bloggers too could be accused of “having a few ‘roos loose in the back paddock”, if you’ll excuse the rather apt pun. How else would you explain the behaviour of a Donkey who, fully aware that his Ma Donkey logs on for a squiz at his Blog every week or so, still writes about previous sexual exploits, or tales of dabbling in hard drugs in the Ashrams of India (it’s all fictitious, Ma, honest!). Why would a Donkey expose himself in a public forum and break his poor Ma’s heart when he didn’t have to unless … unless he was just too stupid to realise that he just doesn’t have to?

Over the last few weeks, I have heard, read and learned with increasing regularity about long-term Bloggers who continue to destroy family relationships, marriages and long term friendships through one thing or other they’ve posted on their Blogs. Perhaps that’s an easy mistake to make ... once! But these seemingly intelligent and witty writers continue to shut down Blogs, open up new ones, write personal things which offend their loved ones and then have to close ‘em down again, and again, and again! Even hamsters stop going for the donut after they’ve been shocked three or four times.

Are we Bloggers really dumber than hamsters? Or is there something else which forces us to hop towards the on-coming ute or land on the burning globe despite the heat? Poor old Naomi Duncan, my understandably frustrated, final year English teacher, may well deserve a pat on the back for her persistence, as it is only now, fourteen years later, that I begin to understand what drove little Asher to paint his poor mother being crucified on a Brooklyn window … and I don’t think it was stupidity.

Despite Skippy's history of flying helicopters, foiling the evil plans of bird smugglers or preventing bushfires, kangaroos aren't really that bright. Incidentally, Donkey used to have a plate with this very picture on it! Pic: Google images


The Editor said...

Re Moths and light bulbs etc...
Any potentially sensitive material involving such things as trips to Lap dancing clubs has to go before the wife's editorial board...
This way the marriage and blog can be preserved. Mother, who is now in a care home is unlikely to be entering the home computer market.

sabrina said...

Hee hee. Nice one. I never knew Kangaroos where such dumbasses.

P/S : Isn't it just a pain in the arse having to explain yourself and be politically correct everytime you post?!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hee Haw! The part about the stupid bloggers has me falling off my chair laughing! You missed a few posts in October, early November when I was "playing tennis" with some bitter women from across the globe. They're all still in draft form....it was silly really. Anyways, they've all shut up shop now, and apparently moved house. Um....I think I'm supposed to go looking for them...but why would I want to do that? I'm back to the reason I started blogging in the first place...a bit of fun, playing with words, a "literal" outlet.

As for the kangaroos....yep, almost everyone I know has hit one. Touch wood, I haven't! I've been the passenger a couple of times and we've had to call the police to come and shoot the poor injured critter. I'm a bit of a sook, there may have been a tear or two.

I will never forget that on my 13th birthday we were staying on a friend's property in Northern NSW and we went rabbit hunting, in a ute with spotlight, and the fellas were chasing them and breaking their necks. It was awful! I was yelling out to warn the rabbits to run, and had to sit in the front and "shut up" (quiet we're hunting wabbits). I cried and cried and I have never, and never will eat rabbit!