While holidaying by the Ganges on the weekend, the Donkeys visited a very old Hindu temple erected to Siva, the Hindu god in whose hair lives the goddess, Ganga. Siva is sometimes represented as a blue, somewhat feminine looking, man-type being, however he is often worshipped in the form of a black phallus, known as a lingam, which is said to represent fertility.
So while visiting this ancient temple, the Donkeys did the right thing and bought some floral offerings for the powerful god, to be placed upon either his statue or one of the many lingams sitting beneath a huge, sacred tree.
Donkey is very dismayed to report that of the eight lingams sitting beneath that enormous tree, Mrs Donkey chose to leave her offerings on the shortest, fattest phallus she could find!
Post script: the folks back home need not get excited, it was a cultural requirement that we make fertility offerings.
#2: eBay, Ganges-style.
As I whiled away the afternoon on the terrace of our beautiful hotel at the weekend, listening to some great tunes, I started to notice just how much stuff floats along the rushing waters of the Ganga. The following is a list of the debris that passed by, and the music that sent it all on its way.
Track Name: Sway
Artist: (artist unknown – a Kiwi chick)
Floaty Bits: Plastic bags full of something quite buoyant.
Track Name: Shadow stabbing
Floaty Bits: A massive, plastic dice (OK, I always have trouble with this … dice or die? Suffice to say, there was only one of ‘em, but it was pretty bloody big). No idea what this could be for.
Track Name: So bad it’s good
Artist: The Fireballs
Floaty Bits: Large, decorated terracotta pot, ironically used in these parts to carry water.
Track Name: Bright future in sales
Artist: Fountains of Wayne
Floaty Bits: Coconuts – some de-husked, some still green, some with holes and others in bits.
Track Name: Take me out
Artist: Franz Ferdinand
Floaty Bits: Nothing visible for a while, but two eagles were out there eyeing something off, then a walking stick (they do say the waters are healing) and then … a child! He was alive and eventually made it to the shore.
Track Name: Rub a Dub Stylin’
Artist: General Smiley and Papa Michigan
Floaty Bits: A doll in a green dress – tasteful!
Track Name: You and Me against the world
Artist: Her Majesty
Floaty Bits: A large, plastic water storage bottle that had obviously gotten away from some pilgrim who was trying to take some holy water to the folks back home.
Track Name: What’s my scene
Artist: Hoodoo Gurus
Floaty Bits: Garlands of flowers and two boys … then another … then another … and another. Lots of laughing as they tried not to drown.
Track Name: International bright young thing
Artist: Jesus Jones
Floaty Bits: Heaps of portraits of Hindu gods – a pretty freaky sight!
Track Name: My sister
Artist: Juliana Hatfield
Floaty Bits: More coconuts and garlands of flowers.
Track Name: Back door
Artist: Kris Demeanor
Floaty Bits: A bike tyre tube, two cushions (one purple, one pink), a pair of thongs and something big and shaggy that I was a bit too scared to investigate further.
Track Name: Wild child
Artist: Lou Reed
Floaty Bits: Coconuts and a water bottle.
Track Name: Night boat to Cairo
Floaty Bits: A packet of ciggies.
Track Name: Hey ladies
Artist: The Beastie Boys
Floaty Bits: More portraits of Hindu gods – still freaky.
So there you go. If you’re reading this Blog, living anywhere between Haridwar and Dhaka, AND you’re in the market for any of this booty, I’d say get thee to the banks of the Ganga with a net. It’s all on its way and should be reaching you in a couple of days.